Chew You Up, Spit You Out
by brilliant star
Summary: Tokyo Ghoul AU. Connected mistakes give way to tragic consequences. (prequel/sequel to Eat You Up)


**Minami and Nishikino/**

As the daughter of a Special Class Ghoul Investigator, Kotori Minami has learned to live with fear in her heart that gnaws until she imagines she can't feel anything else. She's a resilient woman despite what her air-headed tendencies may suggest, and has decided to pursue a career in fashion design instead of following her mother's footsteps into the dangerous world of hunting ghouls. That kind of life isn't for her. She's getting tired of fear and death, to be frank.

Maki Nishikino, on the other hand, is constantly plagued by the burdens of her family line. The pressure of their expectations was too much, forcing her to turn a blind eye to her own terrors and climb up to become a First Class Investigator. Her mother and father, both Special Class Investigators and close friends of Investigator Minami, were two of the very few employees in CCG's history to retire peacefully to an undisclosed location. Even Maki doesn't know where her parents are. With how many ghouls they had killed and enemies they made, it's better that way.

This isn't the path she wanted to take. Every day she wonders if she's becoming numb to the grotesque things she witnesses and deals with, or if she's just used to the nausea like the humming of an air conditioner in the background. Her chats with Kotori keep her grounded to the reality that she is, in fact, exhausted and scared.

.

.

 **Umi and Kotori/**

"I'm sorry, Kotori." Second Class Investigator Sonoda closes her briefcase with a resounding _click,_ and brushes her hair behind her ear as if she hadn't just killed their closest friend. It's a thin act.

Honoka Kousaka is down in a puddle of her own blood, gurgling and twitching. Her movements slow by the second. The mask of Mad Dog, a ghoul renown for its savage violence and cannibalistic tendencies, lies cracked only a meter away from Honoka.

Kotori says nothing. It was her own fault for walking this way home from work. Things happened too fast. _Honoka was a ghoul all along_. Why didn't anyone stop her from walking this way? Why is Honoka…?

"I had my suspicions for a while… for years, even." Umi fills the silence for the sake of it, because she needs to distract herself from the pain in her chest in any way possible. "But it was my own fault for putting it off and letting the issue fester."

"Umi-chan…"

" _I'm sorry_." Ah. She's crying. But Umi is made of honed steel, folded a thousand times, and she cries with quiet dignity even though her knuckles are white around the handle of her briefcase.

"Who are you apologizing to?" Kotori is surprisingly composed in comparison, though she pointedly avoids looking at Honoka. Her best friend. The eight ward's Mad Dog. She focuses on Umi instead, cautiously approaching and pulling a pack of tissues from her purse.

Umi can't respond even though she knows the answer. Honoka had always been the sun that warmed both her and Kotori even on the rainiest days. The three of them had so many plans for their futures; Honoka, who worked two jobs, was saving up money and Kotori was studying at a local college, and… they both thought Umi had been at a different university far away, but it turned out she was training to join the CCG's ranks all along, something Kotori had only found out by accident. Honoka never knew. Suddenly Kotori understands why Umi had asked her to keep it a secret, if she'd been suspecting Honoka of not being human.

Everything Honoka had said— were those lies? Umi doesn't move when Kotori gently wipes her face with a tissue.

"My mother always told me… you mustn't sympathize with ghouls, no matter what," Kotori softly says, finally allowing herself to look at Honoka's body. Her friend. Lies. It was all lies, she has to tell herself, otherwise she'll break down with grief and Umi will be even more troubled.

She thinks of all those times Honoka had eaten the sweets and pastries she baked with a big smile and happy cries of, " _Kotori-chan, these taste amazing!_ " And she thinks of how Honoka must have vomited it all back up once she excused herself to the bathroom.

"Kotori!" Umi steadies her, and Kotori realizes she's crying as well now.

"Ah…? I- I'm sorry, Umi-chan—"

She can't lie like this to herself anymore. Umi holds her close as she bawls in that reeking alley, the body of the monster that was their best friend oozing blood across the ground.

Umi Sonoda is later promoted to a First Class Investigator for the eradication of the eighth ward's Mad Dog.

.

.

 **Honoka and Rin/**

"Honoka-chan!"

"Rin-chan!"

The two girls bump foreheads like bulls, laughing and grappling each other in a mock fight. Rin adores Honoka almost as much as she loves Hanayo. They don't typically see each other very often, since they practically live in separate worlds; Honoka is good at living in the open among humans, while Rin and Hanayo and Nico stick to hiding in underground networks beneath the city.

"It's been too long, hasn't it?!" Honoka lifts Rin up off the ground in a hearty bear hug. "You still haven't gotten any bigger!"

"Oh, lay off!" Rin laughs and squirms, freeing her arms to vigorously rub Honoka's head.

Eventually they both end up lying side by side on the grass, out of breath and exhilarated. Moments like this are few and far between.

.

.

 **Maki and Rin/**

If there's one thing that holds Rin and Honoka's friendship together like cement, it's their mutual love and fascination of humans. Nico scorns Honoka, who loves befriending them, and Rin can only imagine what Nico would do if she found out that Rin…

It's better for everyone if some secrets are kept sealed. If Nico kicks her out of their small circle, no doubt Hanayo would follow, and they wouldn't be able to make it alone without the older ghoul's guidance.

Morning light reaches through the cracks in the window blinds, and Rin is already wide awake. She sits up in bed, sheets rustling, and pauses when she feels a warm arm drape across her lap.

Maki still hasn't woken up. Her face loses all its perpetual stress and frustration when she's asleep. Her back slowly rises and falls with each breath, and Rin gently rubs her skin. There's a small, diagonal scar on her shoulder. She traces it like she's done hundreds of times, and Maki stirs, murmuring.

"Rin…"

"'Morning, Maki-chan."

This is wrong, so many levels of wrong and they're both well aware of the consequences of an investigator and a ghoul being together. They knew each other before Maki became an investigator, and before Rin revealed herself as a ghoul. That pivot in their lives should've been the end of everything between them. But Rin is an idiot, and Maki is stubborn as hell, and somewhere beneath it all it's their worries that tie them. Let them be afraid together, at the very least.

Maki doesn't say anything else, only groggily climbs up onto the smaller woman's lap and dozes off against her shoulder. It took years for Maki to become entirely comfortable with physical affection and finding out Rin was a ghoul was only a major setback to that progress. For a while at that chaotic time, Rin was seriously afraid Maki would turn her into the CCG, or worse, kill her herself.

Of all her friends, only Honoka would be able to understand. Rin smiles a bit regretfully, and kisses the scar on Maki's shoulder.

.

.

 **Kotori and Maki/**

"You must already know what happened, with Honoka…" Kotori's throat feels dry no matter how much water she drinks. Maki picks at her salad and silently nods; it's a gloomy atmosphere despite the lively chatter around them and the sunny weather. The events of last night seem so far away already, and Kotori had spent most of her morning in a daze before Maki called her up for lunch.

"Umi-chan is good at hiding her feelings," Kotori continues when Maki doesn't say anything. "I truly believe she cared about Honoka, even as she suspected her of being what she was."

"Yeah."

"How are you and Rin doing…?"

Maki's head snaps up. Her mouth trembles. "She found out about Honoka this morning. We— we, ah…."

"They were friends, weren't they?" Kotori sadly smiles. "Honoka-chan never once mentioned Rin, but she wouldn't have known I knew about her as well. She must have been trying to protect Rin's identity."

"I knew. I knew about Honoka all this time." Maki covers her mouth with her hand and takes a deep breath. "Rin was devastated. But she didn't understand! I told _no one_ about Honoka, Umi figured it out by herself, and… and what was she expecting me to do?! Protect a ghoul?! That goes entirely against my job!"

"But you and Rin…"

"That's different," Maki snaps defensively. "She's the only exception."

"My mother always said—"

"I know, I know. My parents said the same thing too. They still do, whenever I can call them."

Kotori purses her lips, releasing a heavy sigh. She can't argue about this with Maki, who's too set in stone to do the safe thing and end that relationship. The only reason why Kotori keeps her mouth shut about Rin is because she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she betrayed Maki like that.

.

.

 **Nozomi and Maki/**

"I think… that woman there. Isn't she a little suspicious?" Nozomi idly waves her pen, pausing it for a second only long enough for Maki to figure out who she's pointing to. A blonde woman with a slim face and stern eyes sits alone at a small table in the corner, sipping from a mug and reading a book.

Maki tries not grimace in front of her senior investigator, and folds her hands beneath her chin. "People sitting alone in cafes is hardly uncommon."

"Yes, but I've been keeping an eye on her for a while now. She _never_ orders food, only a plain black coffee."

"So she's just not hungry."

"During the peak of lunchtime?"

This is ridiculous. Nozomi may be a skilled investigator, once mentored by Special Class Minami herself, but sometimes her intuition just seems so unfounded. Maki rarely takes her seriously despite knowing very well of what Nozomi is capable of. "If that's all you have to go off of…"

"Why, Maki-chan, are you doubting my methods? Have a little more faith in me~"

Maki avoids looking Nozomi straight in the eyes. She recognizes that woman; that's a friend of Rin, and one who prefers hunting outside the city. Eli Ayase. The right thing to do would be to fork over the information to Nozomi, but that'd only lead to questions of why Maki knows these things.

And besides, Rin (probably) would never forgive her if she found out Maki had ratted out one of her friends, ghoul investigator or not.

"Tomorrow I'll speak to her," Nozomi is still staring at Eli from the corners of her eyes, making her look like a predator scoping out its prey. It's rather unnerving. "You should take notes, Maki-chan."

She doesn't take any notes. Days pass. Weeks. Maki watches Nozomi and Eli Ayase chat with each other, and even she's fooled that Nozomi is genuinely taking a liking to her. Or maybe, by some miracle. Eli is clever enough to lower even a First Class Investigator's guard and Nozomi's smiles are sincere.

Then again, she can't just let her senior fall into a ghoul's trap. If it's even a trap. She's only heard secondhand accounts about Eli from Rin, who always talks about her friends in positive light.

Speaking of which, she still hasn't told Rin that one of her friends is being toyed with by an investigator.

One day, Maki confronts Nozomi as they happen across each other at headquarters, both of them hurrying to finish reports. "You're taking your time with her."

"With who? Elicchi?"

Y— es. Eli Ayase. Why don't you let me take the case?"

Nozomi only puts a finger to her lips and smiles. "Not yet. I'm getting even closer."

"Come on! You obviously know what she is by this point!"

"Of course I know. I knew all along."

"Then why are you doing this?!"

"I have plans." That's all she says and Nozomi leaves, hands folded behind her back. Maki wants to scream.

.

.

 **Umi and Nozomi/**

Umi, made of tempered steel and ironclad will, watches with forced indifference as Nozomi cuts the head off that young girl— _ghoul_ , with one arc of her Quinque. The girl had cowered like a cornered animal, and like an animal she lashed out, but she didn't stand a chance against Nozomi and her fortified experience.

Soon, the ghoul called Rider returns before Nozomi even gets a chance to put down the girl's head, and Umi finds out she's just a pretty blonde woman beneath that dark motorcycle helmet. Umi holds her ground. Nozomi talks, and talks, and talks while Rider silently cries.

Crocodile tears? Honoka had cried in a similar fashion.

Then: "Thank you, from the bottom of my heart." It's over within seconds and Umi lets out a breath she had been holding. Nozomi stares down at Rider's decapitated body, silence now overtaking the ruined apartment. If Umi didn't know any better, in this bad lighting, Nozomi almost looks regretful.

Preposterous. Nozomi Toujou is a weathered Investigator who would never form any emotional attachment to the monsters they hunt.

"Did you mean any of those things you said?" Umi finally asks, all professional composure once more. It's a stupid question, but she has to have an answer before the question starts to burn the back of her throat.

To her utter shock, Nozomi has fat tears rolling down her cheeks. She's still holding the smile she gave Rider in her last moments, though now it's wavering. "Of course I did."

Once more, Umi thinks of Honoka and has to swallow back her own bottled up grief.

.

.

 **Nico and Hanayo/**

The seasons pass in total indifference to Eli's death. Rin starts spending more and more time alone by herself during the day, where exactly none of them knew, but she never fails to return at least every other night smelling strongly of smoke and other things that make Hanayo cough.

Things started to turn downhill with Honoka's passing one year ago, and Eli's death was the catalyst that tipped them over the edge.

Nico never tells Rin that she can smell the stench of _human_ , without human blood, beneath the smokes and dirt she tries to cover it up with. Whatever she's doing infuriates Nico but she holds it all in, despite knowing that's the worst thing she could do.

"Rin-chan is gone today, again." Hanayo shivers and hugs herself. It's dark and damp in the abandoned tunnels, but so far they've been able to hide like this even after the Doves increased their aggression with investigations. Nico grunts in response and moves to sit beside Hanayo, awkwardly patting her shoulder.

"She was pretty messed up after what happened with Honoka, remember?"

"We weren't very close with Eli. Rin-chan seemed perfectly okay when she heard the news…"

Nico swallows heavily and goes over her choices. Rin is doing something that'd no doubt drag the rest of them down with her, and pretending that ignorance is bliss won't do them any favors. "Listen."

"Hm?"

"I'm pretty sure that Rin is seeing a human."

Hanayo looks at Nico with wide, disbelieving eyes, slowly shaking her head. "R-Rin-chan would never…"

"Can't you tell? Every time she comes back, she smells like she'd been wrestling with a human. It reeks. There isn't even any trace of blood."

Hanayo desperately tries to think of any rational excuse. Her best friend can't. It's impossible.

"Look, you can believe I'm lying, but just… trust me. Smell Rin yourself, when she comes back. I'm only telling you this because I'd rather have us live."

"Nico-chan…"

"I know you care about Rin, and that you two've been together a long time before I showed up, but she's going _way_ too far. I think it's about time we moved out of Tokyo; let's find my mom and my siblings. They're in a safe place in a different city, where there aren't even many Doves and less ghouls for competition!" Nico is trying to sound optimistic and lightly shakes Hanayo's arm.

What is she suggesting? That they leave Rin and run away, just the two of them?

"I-I can't. Rin-chan's just going through a rough spot, she needs us…"

"Come _on_ , Hanayo."

They lean into each other, both only desperate for things to return to safety and normalcy.

.

.

 **Maki/**

Her front door crashes in on a sleepy Sunday morning, when her legs are tangled with Rin's and they're both still slowly waking up in each other's arms. They have no time to respond, to comprehend what's going on when Nozomi and Umi appear in the doorway of Maki's bedroom with their briefcases out.

"What—!" Maki disentangles herself from Rin and pulls the blanket over her chest. She glances at Rin for a split second, and it's long enough to see the sheer terror in her face. Her Kakugan had activated in a burst of adrenaline too, that idiot.

"Oh, Maki-chan…" Nozomi slowly shakes her head and puts a hand to her cheek, like a parent who had caught their child stealing from the cookie jar. "I was hoping I was wrong. I really, really was."

Umi looks away. Her teeth are grit and she looks more distraught than Maki ever remembers.

"I- I wasn't… this isn't…"

"Shush. No need for excuses," Nozomi sadly closes her eyes. Rin is still frozen in horror and the skin on her back is throbbing, Kagune threatening to burst out. "Let's see… I could kill your ghoul friend here right now, and have you detained for the crime of harboring a dangerous creature."

Maki feels Rin grasp her hand beneath the blanket, squeezing too tight.

"Or we could take her alive, for other purposes. You'd prefer that, wouldn't you?"

It's not like they even have a choice.

.

.

 **Nozomi/**

It's a controversial program and a dangerous one, and no one else but Nozomi would have ever suggested it. They use the ghoul called Wildcat like a hunting dog, forcing her to root out her fellow ghouls and partake in the slaughter on the Investigators' side.

The leverage is simple: Maki and Wildcat balance each other on a dangerous scale. If one goes, the other will break. Maki hasn't been kicked out of the CCG, but now she serves one of the lowest branches doing paperwork and other grunt tasks. Her Quinque was confiscated as well. They allow Maki to see Wildcat twice a week for twenty minutes, with the ghoul contained in a secure room heavily bound by chains made from Quinque steel and a muzzle strapped to her face. It's dehumanizing and maybe even unnecessary, but she isn't even human so it doesn't matter, does it?

Too many people doubt the program, the public kept in the dark about the real reason why the director had been swayed by Nozomi Toujou's report. She could betray them any moment and break free from her chains like a dog escaping its leash any moment during a hunt. And even if they feed her donated bodies from medical institutions, it's still desecration.

But Nozomi knows exactly how it goes, and she has complete confidence in the security of the program. She can see the heavy sorrow in Maki's eyes, the tears that drip on Wildcat's muzzle, the way Maki presses her hands against the thick glass separating them as if she's willing herself to phase through it.

If that isn't love, then everything she did during the Rider case was meaningless.

.

.

 **Kotori/**

Maki loses a great part of her freedom and she isn't able to see Kotori often anymore. Kotori, just a civilian who happens to be friends with a couple Investigators, is largely left out of the commotion for the most part and she isn't sure if she's grateful for that or not.

Her mother has no word on the matter. She transferred to a different ward three months after Nozomi killed Rider and avoids talking about her job and ghouls whenever she speaks to her daughter. Kotori wants to know if Maki's parents found out about what their daughter had done, but at the same time she doesn't.

So she continues her studies and work, wondering what things might have been like if Honoka had told her she was a ghoul.

.

.

 **Nico/**

Hanayo cries for hours when she sees Rin on the news wearing restraints all over her limbs and the bright energy in her eyes dulled, tearing down a ghoul as Investigators hold her chains and bark orders. Like a puppet dog. Nico wants to vomit and punch something until she can't feel her knuckles.

So that's what became of Rin, reduced to a tool for the CCG to use.

She can't gloat to Hanayo about how _she told her so_ , because the sound of Hanayo's heart breaking into a million pieces drags Nico into depths she never knew existed.

.

.

 **Rin/**

Rin feels hunger, despair, and pain, leaving no room for fury or resentment. She does as the Investigators tell her to do and quietly endures all the mistreatment for Maki's sake. If she behaves especially well they promised they'd eventually let Maki into her cell, even if Rin would still be chained down.

Nozomi Toujou stands above her. She kneels so she's at eye-level with Rin, and grips a handful of her hair.

After a moment her grip loosens and she softly pats Rin on the head.

"You shouldn't have fallen for a human. Elicchi made the same mistake, but I'm sure you knew that."

Rin quietly nods.

.

.

 **End/**

* * *

.

.

.

 **A/N** : check out my tokyo ghoul au tag on my tumblr (yoshizora) for more info or something, i guess!


End file.
